Cry Havoc
by SkywardShadow
Summary: Five times the calm order of the Uchiha clan was utterly disrupted. Starring Uchihas Madara, Izuna, Mikoto, Obito, Uruchi, Shisui, Itachi and Sasuke.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any characters therein.

**A/N: Dedicated to Artemis, for coming up with the pieface and glitterbomb ideas.**

**Props if you know what Star Trek movie I stole the title from. XD Enjoy!**

**..Cry Havoc**

The Uchiha clan was generally well known for four things: the Sharingan, their mastery of Fire jutsu, the Police Force, and their impressive control. Control over their emotions, control over their techniques, and control over their internal affairs.

This being the case, the Uchiha compound was the absolute last place you would expect to find anything bizarre going on, and this assumption was mostly true.

As with any rule, however, there were exceptions. Five in particular stood out. Five times, anyone would have agreed (had they lived long enough to witness all of the incidents), the calm and order of the Uchiha compound was undeniably disrupted.

_.._

The first incident occurred horrifically early in the clan's history, and starred Uchiha brothers Madara and Izuna. The two young boys (neither had reached teen age yet) had recently and simultaneously gained their Mangekyo Sharingans after witnessing the death of a shared teammate and friend. Time being what it was, the Mangekyo had not yet been studied in its entirety-or really, all that much at all. Madara and Izuna were the first to actually _get_ the thing, for reasons unknown at the time, and as such had never been taught how to control it.

It was through this woeful lack of foresight on the part of the Uchiha elders that at the next clan gathering, a rather prominent and famously stiff old Uchiha was accidently sucked into a Genjutsu while congratulating the brothers on a recent mission success. The baffled boys later swore they had no idea it was going to happen, and they _certainly_ couldn't fathom where the hoard of rabid nin-chickens in the illusion had come from.

Madara, after the shock wore off, found the whole thing funny and wasn't at all worried about the elder's recovery after being hit by two Mangekyo illusions at once.

Izuna, ever the practical one, quickly took stock of the situation and began making mental plans for their move to another village.

_.._

Uchiha Mikoto caused the second incident, although to be fair her father could take a decent portion of the blame as well.

The cause was simple enough. Mikoto, then a small slip of a girl with ambitions that dwarfed the Hokage Monument, had dreams of becoming a great shinobi and decided that the natural first step (after basic self-taught Taijutsu and weapons use) to accomplishing great things was to learn the famed Uchiha clan Fire Jutsu.

Unlike martial arts and kunai- and shuriken-throwing, which were straightforward enough, Mikoto realized that Fire Jutsu would probably be much easier (not to mention safer) to learn from a more seasoned individual. So she went to her father to ask for lessons.

Uchiha Ketaki already had three sons older than Mikoto to care for, and each of them had practice with their father every day. This, piled on top of his own ninja duties, would be enough to make a slightly weaker man wilt. It didn't help that he was an old-fashioned man who would much rather see his only daughter grow up a lady than a kunoichi, so in the end he refused.

Undaunted, Mikoto decided that she would simply teach herself the jutsu-after all, she'd done so with everything else. And besides, she'd seen her father and brothers do it dozens of times; she knew the hand seals (she was pretty sure), and she knew that you needed to raise your chakra. How hard could it be?

On her first attempt she mixed up the order of the seals and ended up flooding the Nakano River.

On the second try she replaced one seal with another and somehow managed to do absolutely nothing (that she was aware of-in true Chaos Theory form, at that very moment, the Mizukage's building collapsed in Kiri for no apparent reason).

Try number three, she got the seals right, raised her chakra, blew, and destroyed half of the surrounding woods. Apparently Mikoto had inherited her mother's massive chakra reserves.

Suffice to say, Ketaki never turned his daughter's requests for training down again.

_.._

Uchihas Uruchi and Obito could share roughly equal blame for the third incident.

Uruchi, then a stiff and irritable woman in her early thirties, was an unparalleled stickler for perfection in two areas: punctuality and her prized garden of leeks.

Obito, then a carefree and easygoing child of seven ("and a _half_", as he was sure to correct anyone who got it wrong), was a stickler for essentially nothing except staying away from his much more senior cousin. Female or no, civilian or no, he knew full well that Uruchi could bash him into next week.

That summer, Uruchi broke her leg. Her fiancé Teyaki made sure that she didn't leave her bed; as a result, she could not take care of her precious leeks. Obito was, unluckily, the only available (translation: most easily threatened) help. Uruchi gave him strict rules, including specific times for her cousin to come over and water the garden/weed it/etc. Being the clever young tyrant that she was, she said nothing about what would happen to him if he failed to keep things sublime in her absence-she left it all up to his imagination.

And Obito could imagine quite a lot.

Thus persuaded, he made sure to come by every single day at noon on the dot to care for Uruchi's vegetables during the hot, dry summer. He did a good job of it until one particularly sweltering day near the middle of August, when some friends invited him for a swim. And due to equally contributing factors of the miserable heat, Obito's youth, and his optimistic thought of '_How much could possibly go wrong if I leave it for a little later?_', he did not just show up late to water his cousin's plants. He completely forgot.

It was the first and last time he ever made such a mistake.

The next morning found him hanging upside-down from the tallest tree inside the compound. By his toes.

His yells woke the entire clan, along with half of the rest of the village. It was some time before the Uchihas managed to live _that_ particular humiliation down.

Obito later learned that thanks to his neglect, one of the leeks had browned ever so slightly on top. It was too much for Uruchi, who promptly plotted her revenge and half-dragged herself from her home to carry it out. She continued to shadow his steps everywhere for a good week, until the boy finally broke down and asked what he could do to make her stop.

Which was how, for years afterward, Obito found himself watering Uruchi's plants every single day at the agreed time. He was never late to this appointment again, although-ironically-it did make him late for many of his other duties. He always made something up when asked about his tardiness, of course-he still had _some_ dignity, thank you very much.

_.._

Blame for the fourth incident resided solely with Uchiha Shisui. He'd often caused little bits of chaos as a child, and growing older didn't change that at all. His favorite target was his younger cousin and best friend, prodigy Uchiha Itachi.

Itachi, being the unnaturally intelligent eleven-year-old that he was, rarely fell for these pranks, often avoiding them without batting an eyelash. This infuriated Shisui, and he set about searching for a way to successfully trick his cousin.

One day, Shisui asked Itachi to come to the training grounds. "I want to test this new technique I made up," he explained. "I don't know if it'll work properly or not." Never one to dissuade his friend from actually using his skills on something productive, Itachi agreed. They went to the grounds and stood a ways apart, Itachi's senses on high alert as he waited for Shisui to make a move.

And make a move Shisui did, but even Itachi didn't see it until it was too late. One moment Shisui was standing ten feet away from him, and the next moment a pie had been shoved unceremoniously into the prodigy's face.

Through multitudes of slowly dripping lemon filling, Itachi could see the older boy standing not more than two inches in front of him. It was an impossible sight. Nobody was that fast, let alone a thirteen-year-old boy; besides, Itachi hadn't even seen him _move_. It was like he had flickered-out of existence and then back again.

Shisui was grinning like the idiot many were convinced he was. "So it _does_ work," he remarked cheerfully. "I call it the 'shunshin', by the way."

Itachi was less than interested in the name of the technique. In fact, he wasn't even listening by that point.

The two boys spent the next several hours playing a slightly more dangerous than usual game of cat and mouse. That is, Itachi started pulling out his secret stash of sharpened kunai and shuriken (still covered in pie, mind), and Shisui continued to grin infuriatingly while 'flickering' out of reach. Things only intensified when the exploding tags and fire jutsus started making appearances.

The spectacle was impressive and incredulous all at once. It was one memory that would remain in the minds of every single Uchiha member, no matter how they tried to bury it. The fact that Shisui had been laughing the entire time didn't help matters one bit.

**..**

The fifth and final (to date, at least) incident took place when Uchiha Sasuke was thirteen years old, a member of a dead clan and an eccentric team. While the fault of this most recent mess wasn't his directly, it could be considered partly so, due to his forgetting to check the calendar that day (which Naruto insisted vehemently in order to defend himself post-getting caught).

Distracted and tired from a nightly training session gone overlong, Sasuke had just left his home inside of the compound when the bucketful of water hit him from behind.

He straightened with the speed of one who has just been jabbed mercilessly with a cattle prod and whipped around, ready to lay waste to whoever had been suicidal enough to attack him, to see…nothing.

The thought didn't even have time to properly register in his mind before a bucketful of another substance hit him from the direction he'd been walking. An extremely light, almost _grainy_ substance.

_What the he-_

"HAAA-HA-HA-HAA! Didn't see that one coming, did you!"

The endlessly annoying laugh, the grating voice that was several decibels too loud, the pathetically lame prank (never mind that he'd fallen for it)-it could only be-

"_Naruto_," he growled.

The blond boy wiped tears of laughter from his eyes, grinning cheerfully all the while. "Gotta love Shadow Clones. You should see your face," he chortled. "Actually…you should see _all_ of you." That set off another round of wickedly gleeful laughter, leaving Sasuke to examine just how much damage his teammate had done.

Answer: Plenty.

Uchihas in general had a great amount of pride. They were born with it, many suspected, and it only grew as time went on.

Sasuke's had been built up over thirteen years.

And it had just suffered a shattering blow.

Glitter. Very fine, very tiny grains of rainbow glitter, covering his from his sandals to his (duck butt) hairdo. Feeling strangely dazed, he scratched at a particularly thick patch of the stuff to see if it would come off.

Thanks to the water giving it extra stick, the answer was no, not even slightly.

Naruto was still laughing.

Suddenly calm, Sasuke looked up , caught the blond's eye and started making hand signs. Realizing what was coming, Naruto sobered up and started to create a jutsu of his own, but…

"_Katon: Gokakyuu no jutsu!"_

The eventual result was both boys in the hospital, three compound buildings singed, and several shops burned to the ground.

April first, Sasuke decided afterward, deserved nothing more than to be removed from the calendar.

**..End**


End file.
